Indigestion and Its Consequences
by alicat54
Summary: Naruto Summoned the shinigami in a dangerous jutsu fully expecting to die. What he didn't expect was to be thrown back in time. And why was everyone calling him Yondaime Hokage?
1. Chapter 1

If I owned naruto there would be less fight scenes and thy wouldn't be so overly super powered. Oh and kakashi wouldn't have died.

+_+_+_+_

There are many suicide techniques in the ninja world.

Suicide bomb no jutsu, Big Bang no jutsu, Crater Creator… well the list goes on exponentially.

One of the most famous, but least likely to be preformed techniques is the Death God Summoning jutsu. It's a nasty piece of work because while it can summon a death god to eat your enemy's souls it also eats your soul in return. Once that happens you are forever doomed to be digested in the shinigami's stomach with all your worst enemy to keep you company.

Let us ignore the fact that no one actually knows what happens to you , as no one has yet to escape from the stomach-of-slow-digestion and tell us about it.

Of course everything happens eventually

_=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Konoha was destroyed.

Completely and utterly razed to the ground leaving nothing but dead bodies and ash to mark that there was anything there to begin with.

Many people were happy about this, in fact the hidden villages stone, mist, cloud, and grass declared the day a national holiday. They all secretly praised the Akatsuki without whom none of it would have been possible.

However it wasn't praise like,' Oh we love you, please bless my child!' more like, 'Thanks but we're not letting you over for a visit. Ever. Please don't kill us!'

Not all the people were celebrating though. The remaining ninja of Konoha were down right angry. They had made it their goal in life to kill the Akatsuki in vengeance.

Of course having been defeated by that particular cloak-wearing group before that was proving hard to do.

It wasn't until a chain of completely unrelated events dominoed onto each other that their master battle plan came into being.

It all started with a snow cone.

But this wasn't your ordinary snow cone; it was a blue raspberry syrup snow cone being held in the hand of a particularly giddy child intent on learning to juggle random objects.

As his friends predicted the snow cone fell to the ground in a blaze of glory spreading its sticky sugary mass all over the place.

Else where a man with blonde hair stared moodily into a bowl of takeout ramen.

You might be tempted to ask the reason why this particular man was so down, you know besides the fact that his entire village was reduced to less than dust because of him. Well while that was actually a very good reason to be down, but our hero was lamenting the fact that he and his remaining friends couldn't figure out how to defeat the Akatsuki.

At the other end of the street a poor civilian, named Taki, was carrying a tower of boxes that contained the shopping purchases of his beloved girlfriend. Unfortunately love is blind, and the boxes blocking his view didn't help much either.

A line of ants passing by minding their our business were overjoyed, well as overjoyed a an ant could be, to discover to their delight a blue ocean of sugar.

Ants being ants they all converged around it drinking in that sweet ambrosia.

Taki's phone rang. Usually he would have ignored it his hands being busy and all, but alas it was his beloved girlfriend Tatsuki calling, so of course he must answer it!

Unfortunately since Taki couldn't spontaneously grow a third arm his tower of boxes grew even unstable, but luckily it didn't fall.

Or at least it wouldn't have had not Taki run headlong into an equally distracted blond haired man sadly looking down into a bowl of ramen.

The boxes went flying, and so did the ramen bowl!

The good news was that the boxes didn't hurt anyone, although several were squished to the horror of Taki.

The bad news was that the ramen during its brief flight overturned itself over a group of unsuspecting ants eating a fast melting snow cone, instantly trapping and drowning them in a disgusting mix of miso and sugar.

That incident gave our blond hero, who is incidentally named Uzumaki Naruto, an idea, and we all know how deadly an idea can be.

+___

The plan was actually very simple, once Naruto had gone over it with the help of the remaining Konoha ninja hell bent on revenge.

Unfortunately it called for a certain hero's sacrifice, and despite much protest that hero was ready and willing to give it his all.

Their plan was to use Naruto as bait to lure out the Akatsuki then trap and hopefully kill them using an altered version of the death god summoning jutsu Naruto had invented after going through what was left of the Hokage's office.

Basically it was the same thing only on a larger scale; it ripped out all the souls of your enemies in about a 50-meter wide radius around you and fed them to a hungry god of death. The catch was that the sacrifice needed to perform this technique was enormous.

Naruto only hoped that a nine tailed fox and himself were enough.

It went off without a hitch.

The Akatsuki came running faster than those ants.

Naruto went through seals as if his life depended on it, which it did, and cried much to his opponent's horror, " Shinigami Feast no Jutsu!"

The results were instantaneous. Bodies fell left and right, their souls being dragged into the gaping mouth of a dark masked and smiling fanged figure floating above them.

Naruto stared down at the bloodless carnage and gave a tired smile, a mere ghost of one he had worn in his younger days.

He felt himself grow weary as the jutsu took its toll drawing his his and his tennant's soul to their doom.

"Sorry I wont be able to see you guys again Kakashi-sensi, Sakura-chan….Tsunade-baa-san,…. Ero-sennin…"

His body landed on the ground still smiling.

-===-==

The shinigami was feeling bloated from his most recent meal.

Usually he was sometimes called to devour someone's soul only once every ten years or so, but never this many at once.

He had a very slow digestion cycle after all, and this was agony!

He took a pit stop on his way through time and space to ease his stomach. Damn fox was giving him heartburn.

He gagged hacked and coughed, expelling a very unpleasant looking Naruto somewhere into the time stream.

The death god briefly considered going after his wayward snack, but decided against it when his stomach gave another uncomfortable twinge.

He groaned. Who cared about the space-time continuum he needed Tums.

He mentally made a note to never answer when someone offered him a free soul snack ever again! …. Or at least for another hundred years … maybe.

_=-=-=-=-=-=

Else where, (specifically 21 years into the past, on Naruto's Birthday)….

Naruto groaned. He felt terrible, like he had just been used as Lee's punching bag for a week.

"He's stabilizing!" an unfamiliar voice shouted from next to him.

"Quick get him into intensive care, that section of the hospital was left intact."

He felt himself moving, someone was placing him on a bed. He chanced to crack an eye open and managed to glimpse a crowd of blurred faces before the light forced him to close them.

"Don't worry Yondaime Hokage-sama, you will be ok. The Kyuubi is defeated!"

Naruto weakly nodded too tired to speak or even hear what he was being told.

Everything went black.

)_0-0-0-0-0-0-0--=-=-=-=-=

yes he went back in time.

This idea just hit me.

It's my attempt at a crack fic, so if it doesn't work out oh well!


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi was considered to be odd, even by ninja standards.

First was his excruciatingly tragic, and though everyone in the ninja world and their grandmother had a tragic past, Kakashi's was specifically among the more horrific.

You see on the day of his birth Kakashi had a mother and he had a father.

By the time he was five he had neither.

His mother had run off with a nuke-nin, tired of her prodigal son who hadn't saved her marriage and unresponsive work a holic husband. ( Kakashi doesn't know this of course, he thought she had died. Ironically he led the team of hunter-nin that killed her after he became a jounin at seven.)

His father, having become even more of a work obsessed father, committed suicide after a failed mission where he chose to rescue his friends instead of abandoning them, thereby starting a full scale war between Stone and Leaf which took nearly ten years to be settled, mainly in part thanks to the efforts of the 'Yellow Flash of Konoha'.

Said Flash soon became the fourth hokage after the completion of the war, and would go down in history for defeating the Kyuubi no Kitsune and surviving summoning the shinigami.

He was also in a deep coma.

Kakashi, the Flash's student who looked to him as a father and only remaining family (especially since both his team mates died very painfully, all within the span of five years), sat sadly beside his mentor's bed.

Several months ago it had been Kakashi's birthday, and Minato had given him a present neatly wrapped in gold foil with a blue bow on top, yet Kakashi had yet to open it.

The present now actually sat contentedly in Kakashi's lap, begging to be opened.

Sadly wondering if his mentor would ever wake up, Kakashi did just that. Thinking better now than never.

Carefully tearing through the packaging with all the grace of one of his dogs after a chew toy, Kakashi pulled out… a book.

There was a card stuck to it that said in his teacher's illegible scrawl, " Kakashi you need to laugh more. Hope you enjoy the book it's one of my favorites!"

A crude smiley face adorned the bottom after the exclamation point.

The cover of the book was blue and read, _'Funny Mishaps of the Idiotic Kind'_ in orange letters.

Let us rewind very briefly to when Minato was in the book shop to buy said book.

It was a rather large book shop carrying everything from technical manuals to porn.

In fact they had an entire shelf devoted to a super perverts orange little books.

Said pervert was there signing copies of his books and basking in his short lived fame, when he saw his favorite yellow topped student.

"Hey Minato! Come to see my new book?"

Minato who had just been heading to the till with Kakashi's gift stopped to chat.

"Go away you pervert, I'm not here to read your smut." _Because Kushina would kill me._ He added silently.

The great Toad hermit was offended.

He might have turned away, back to the gaggle of people asking for signatures, but then he got an idea. The pervert got a wonderful awful idea.

Quick as a flash he surreptitiously pushed a random bystander name Taki (the father of Taka, who was carrying a towering stack of hard cover books depicting the correct way to carry tall things) into an unsuspecting Minato.

They both went crashing to the ground, and their books went every which way.

Quick as a flash the toad hermit pulled the sleeve from Minato's book and stuffed his own orange masterpiece, which just happened to be the same size, into it.

He then tossed it back to a dazed looking blonde ninja, before running into the sunset cackling madly.

Minato gazed bemused at him, then looked at his watch and saw it was nearly lunch time, so he quickly bought and wrapped his student's gift and dashed away.

Later when Kakashi opened it, he read the first line and passed out from all the blood rushing to his face.

_____zzzzzzzzzzzz-----------

Elsewhere, far away from hospitals where grey haired teens had nosebleeds and blondes slept peacefully, the bad guys plotted evilly like all bad guys do.

Unfortunately these bad guys, unknown to them, were actually' comic relief' bad guys and not 'furthering the plot very far' bad guys.

Oh well, more entertainment for us.

"The time for our revenge is at hand, the Yellow Flash of Konoha is fatally injured from his battle with the nine tailed demon! Now is our chance to kill him!"

The crowd of surrounding stone ninja roared its approval.

One person's hand went up.

"Yes Bakazu?"

Bakazu, third class ninja and all around nice guy who somehow through sheer dumb luck managed to survive the war stood up.

"Hey, ya, I was wondering how you planned on killing him, since , you know, he's proven himself more than capable of killing tons of our ninja without batting an eye, and he's just defeated the strongest of all the byjuu?"

The crowd silently looked at their leader.

"That is a very good question … and I will answer it in this way… but first- Oh my goodness what's that?"

He pointed off into a random direction , and while the crowd was distracted a group of black clad figures appeared suddenly behind Bakazu and whisked him away to never-never-seen-again-land.

"As I was saying. Death to konoha!"

The crowd roared in approval.

____ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-------------

Through all of this Naruto was having a nice long nap in a hospital bed, blissfully unaware of what he had landed himself into.


End file.
